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How To Lose Friends, Have A Mental Illness

Battling mental illness is hard, it's even rough when your 'friends' walk out on you. Why didn't anyone tell me having mental illness would cause me to lose friends?

When it comes to texting people, I have terrible anxiety because when I was a freshman in high school, it made people ignore me or go off on me, and I only texted on weekends and not the school week unless I had to ask someone a question. Example, when I was a freshman going into sophomore year, I texted a friend I had since Jr. High, what her summer plans were. Within seconds, she went off on me, calling me annoying just because I wanted to know if she was doing anything fun over the summer. She proceeds to tell me not to text her anymore. I called a friend I met, maybe a few months before she graduated, crying. Why are people so cruel? Since then, I barely send a text first. Why go off on someone because they ask you what your plans are? If she did not want to share she could have just said, ' I rather not talk about it, I hope you understand.' Maybe she was in a bad mood. If that was the case, she would have called or texted me apologizing and explaining what had happened before I texted her.

Since that incident, I rarely texted anyone except my mom. Didn't e-mail anyone except my teachers if I had to ask them a question. Didn't call anyone except my grandparents, my mom, when ordering food. I joined Facebook in 2012. I never talked to anyone outside of commenting on their posts or interaction in groups. I just don't know what's wrong with me. When I added someone they ended up deleting me in less than a week. I didn't do or say anything wrong.
People on my Facebook are notorious for dropping you if you don't talk to them. I openly stated why I do not message first some people understood and some didn't.
I have little to no friends left from band/color guard, gymnastics left because they all left me out of the blue. When I did nothing wrong. Maybe they left when they saw I had a mental illness.

The last straw was when a friend dropped me so easily because I didn't talk to them all the time even though I directly told them why. I will never understand. Why is it so hard for me to keep friends. Am I that bad? I got depressed because I am sick and tired or friending people only for them to leave me over something I didn't ask for. Do you really think I asked to have anxiety? No!

I didn't really have a healthy coping method for these. I played a game called Undertale and that seemed to help with the depression of that 'friend' leaving me. If you wanna check out my walkthrough, here is my gaming YouTube channel.
If you want to hear this blog in video form, click this link.

You should not just pack up and leave someone over something they did not ask for. Why not be there for them instead of just packing up and leaving? You are contributing to their depression. They may see there is no point in being alive if people leave them left and right.
I hope that you understand that no illness is easy to deal with, we just need a shoulder to lean on.


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