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How My Lack Of Social Skills Got Me Into Unpleasant Situations

It's a known fact that autism affects socials skills. For instance, an aspie's ability to detect social cues is hindered. I do have issues with social cues, understanding other people's point of view, and verbally expressing myself when I don't always have the chance to map out my thoughts. I also have a great deal of trouble understanding how my words/actions upset others. If they do not address it in a matter where I understand.

I will list situations where my lack of social skills caused problems. And this was with neurotypical people.

When I Couldn't Understand How A Facebook States I Posted Upset Some People

I find it annoying when older men flirt with me. I have had this problem for a while. My mom once told off an older guy for looking at me in a flirting way when I was 15 or 16. He was in his 30s-40s. I posted in a 'support group' on how I find being hit on by older guys discomforting. The other members of the group thought I was calling the guy in question a pedophile because I named a time when a guy randomly flirted with me out of the clear blue sky. I'm just minding my own business and these older men flirt with me. I did say it should be pedophilia for older guys to hit on younger women. I was talking about more extreme cases, however. Rather than asking me for more details, the people in the group proceed to attack me on the thread. I had no understanding as to why I was being attacked and why people were so angry. If a 60-year-old hit on a 13-year-old it's out of bounds, right? I get attacked for thinking that it should not matter the person's age. I hate having a disorder that impairs my social abilities. I am saying it's rough when you have a disorder that impairs your social abilities and you won't know what's ok to say or not. If the members of the group did not pick up what I was saying, they should have asked me to clarify. Instead, they quickly jump to conclusions that I was accusing the flirting men of being pedophiles and attack me for it. Funny thing is the people were shamming me and calling me a child when they were acting like children attacking me and bullying me over a post. Hypocrisy much? Don't child shame someone when you're being childish bullying someone because you don't agree with them. If they were the 'adults' they call themselves they would have done the mature thing and asked for more details and asked questions before jumping the gun. This was a mental health support page. The way they acted didn't look like a support page to me. I want to also mention that the people didn't directly run me out, for instance, 'get out of here,' 'leave.' Because too many people were attacking me, it was too many people to block. I had to leave.

I Had Good Intentions And It Backfired

For us, you have to calmly address the situation. Immediately going off the handle may not end well. My brain is different than yours. I see things differently than you. I don't understand things the way you do. Automatically reprimanding me will just send me into anxiety. If I have no understanding of what I did wrong. I am going to name an instance where people instantly coming down on me but not explaining what I had done wrong didn't help. One instance is, you know Facebook has that 'on this day' feature. When you post something to your wall, it will remind you a year later. I had shared an autism post, educating people that autism doesn't have a look. It had a collage of people who are autistic. My intentions were to spread awareness that not everything has a look, you cannot see autism. I shared it with an autism group I am no longer in, I will get into that. My plan backfired. Someone got upset over the post calling it 'inspiration porn.' I had no idea what that was and said 'there is no porn on this post.' I had no understanding of why the guy was upset because he wouldn't explain to me why it upset him. You can't expect me to know what upsets everyone on a global platform. If you don't explain, I don't understand. Remember, my social abilities are compromised so I can't tell by your reactions why you're upset, angry etc. The offendee mention learning from my mistake. How did I make a mistake? This guy chose to act like I am a mind reader! Had someone calmly, in a calm matter, explained to me why the post was wrong or at least why he didn't like those posts, I would have understood. Everyone coming down on me because I couldn't understand the fault of the post didn't help. I left the group in case the admins were tyrants who ban you over the littlest things.

Didn't know how to approach a guy noticing me

My folks didn't remind me the recycling can goes out. The blue can people run every other week, so it's hard to remember when the can goes out. Sometimes we don't have much in the blue can, therefore, there is no need to take the can out. I had remembered after 10pm when I heard the neighbor bringing her can up front. So I went outside to take the can upfront. This guy spotted me, he was walking with someone I reckon was a friend. This guy tried to talk to me. I am new to this stuff so I didn't know how to process it and had no time to process it. I did not get a good luck at his face by it being dark. It was after 10pm after all. I saw him a month later when I went to take out the trash, coincidentally. This time it was in broad daylight. I was shocked at his appearance. Kinda like how you would react when someone catfishes you online, and you meet the person face-to-face. He did look kinda old. I asked him his age and he avoided the question. If he had nothing to hide, he would have told me how old he was. The second time he came by, my mom spied on us. In the basement, we have these windows you cannot see out of, but it has a little window you can open and see out of, like this. As soon as I came in the door, she lost her shit. She started yelling at me right off the bat and I felt like I went into a mini panic attack. I was like 'what did I do?' I didn't do it!' She was not happy at his appearance. Going off like it's my fault older guys are into me did not help. She saw that he was sagging, but I could not see it because he wore long shirts. My mom does not like guys who sag. I didn't ask to be different, I don't want it. She has a point due to me being different, I can be taken advantage of easily. She could have brought her message across differently.

How You Should Adress Your Feelings

  • Don't yell at them. They don't understand why you're yelling at them.
  • Address it in a calming matter Example 'It makes me angry when you take my stuff without telling me, all I ask is that you tell me.' They will fear you will get mad which will lead them to hide.
  • Find a way that they can understand your point of view.
Remember it's tough having a disoder that effects your social skills. It's not like we asked for it. 


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