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Living In A Toxic Environment

People like to blame me for being negative but they don't think maybe I am in a negative space. My own home is a toxic setting. My grandma makes it hell. I call this house the Hell House. My grandma expects everything perfect, compares me to other people, condemns me if I can't do something how she wants it. She can't understand my brain is different from hers. I function differently from her. She likes to complain that no one does anything and she has to do everything but doesn't think why. No one wants to do anything for her only to get yelled at or called back and have to do it over because it didn't meet her standards. 
Shame, Child, Small, Criticism, Self-Criticism

Imagine this. You try your best to help someone, instead of getting a thank you or the person just accepting the job got done, you get yelled at because it didn't meet their standards. That will make you not wanna help them again if they are that ungrateful, right? So how is my situation any different. This is why I wouldn't be able to hold down a job, I just can't meet someone else's expectations. I think that is damaging to someone on the autism spectrum, to have them at a high standard. Expecting so much from them.

My grandma likes to point fingers and blame everyone else but not look at the things she does that makes people not wanna help her. No one wants to help you when all you do is condemn them for not meeting your high ass standards. 

Maybe if she stopped yelling at everyone for not being perfect like her, they'd wanna do something. 

My mom used to cook but she stopped because she was sick of Granny being so nit-picky. 
This setting is not good for my mental health. I wish I could stay with a friend but I want to let my blog earnings get stable so I can help the person out. I am going to create a savings account, put money away. It will cost a lot of money to move. I just can't be with someone who can't accept that I am trying. I can't be with someone holding me on such a high standard. It's not going to help my brain heal but reverse all of my progress. 

My grandma will never understand that as long as she keeps yelling at everyone, they are not going to want to help her. She needs to stop blaming everyone else and start looking at the things she does. 


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