We provide ramps for people in wheelchairs so they can climb stairs. They need the ramp so they can get to the door. If my mom ignores the fact that I have memory issues and fail to remind me about things, that would be the same as failing to provide me a ramp if I had a physical disability. She acts like I do it on purpose but I am not. She KNOWS so much is flowing through my brain that it's hard to filter it all. I guess she thinks adults can't have issues with disabilities. I don't know.
Just because there are people who can overcome their disorder doesn't mean everyone can. You want to know why people with autism can overcome? Because they have the support that they need. Most of the time. They are able to thrive because they have the support that they need.
My mom likes to say ' I have the same thing' yet holds me on a neurotypical standpoint. My mom doesn't realize if she keeps ignoring the fact that I need reminders or more details when being asked to do something, I will never overcome like she wants me to. Even if I write it down, I can FORGET to check the list. If your aspie has issues with memory, help them, not use it to your advantage so you can get mad at them when they forget something. My mom likes to blame everything on me but use my forgetfulness to her advantage, blame me for everything like I forget on purpose. I feel I am being held in such high standards when my mom doesn't want to help me with certain things. My mom likes to throw in my face I need to learn how to do it. How does she expect me to learn if she doesn't even want to show me? On a sports team, the coach shows you the basics of the sport, right?
It's like my mom knows about my condition at the same time ignores that fact that ADHD/autism is why I forget. Because so much is flowing through my mind. Yet she likes to say I am using it as a crutch. I am so sick of hearing that. It's like I am not allowed to struggle and have issues with autism because I am an adult or whatever excuse my mom has for ignoring my feelings.
My mom doesn't get that I say she doesn't understand me, not to guilt her. I say it because she refuses to provide reminders for me, I say it because she refuses to acknowledge that I need more details when given a request. She can't understand while there are people like me, they may have a different form. She can't understand I don't want to be this way, I am not like this to give her a hard time. She can't understand there is no shame in needing assistance when you have a disorder. She knows the things that trigger my mood episodes yet do the things that trigger them. She wouldn't disregard everything I say and play mind games with me making me crazy if she understood. She wouldn't drop everything because I am an adult. She would understand I am trying in a world I don't understand. She wouldn't child shame me. She expects me to be like a neurotypical. They don't need reminders like us, they don't need direct instructions like us. She claims I 'don't need it.' When I really do.
If she understood, she wouldn't straight up ignore my needs just because in her eyes I don't need it.
This is how I feel. This doesn't mean that is the case. Remember I don't understand and can't process why all of a sudden my mom doesn't want to help me with certain things.