Why Neurotpyicals Misunderstand Us (Or Why We're Misunderstood In General) || Blog Everyday In September Day #3
We are not on the same page as Nts socially, which is the reason why we struggle when it comes to talking to them. With proper communication, things can work out. However, the instances I am talking about is w/o proper communication. It can be questioned if the people who misunderstand us are NT. Here is an example. My mom says she is on the spectrum like me. She misunderstands me all the time. It works both ways. We are misunderstood by NTs and ND folks. Or We are misunderstood by people who don't know much about autism.
I think people need to stop telling us to work on communication instead of telling folks to be more direct and get a better understanding. Making us keep up like that can be very exhausting.
When We Ask Follow-up Questions
Look at a messy room. That's how our brains are, therefore, we cannot filter what is being said. Thus we will ask some follow up questions. I post content to Steemit.com, a guy who sees I struggle to earn on my posts showed me a service that votes quality content. However, the info he gave me was not enough for me to understand. He didn't mention how the service worked. We merely want more information to make sure we know what we're getting into. NTs (or the other party in general) however, are not on the same page. My follow-up questions made the guy see me as being picky. The guy read me and being picky and I was merely wanting a better understanding. To avoid getting this impression, maybe we should say, 'I'd like more information to better understand' and follow that with your question. There is no harm in wanting information
So when we ask further questions it's not being picky it's just because the info was not enough for us and we'd like more. How is it any different wanting more info about a cable package you want to sign up for.
We Need More Details
Nts are good with reading between the lines when it comes to storytelling. We lack this ability. Say someone is explaining about a trip they took, they may explain they flew or drove. We may ask further questions to understand the story better. Which will cause some misunderstandings? The storyteller may feel you're asking too many questions. Nts have picked up on this with me when they told me something. My questions were only to connect to their story better. Maybe say I'd like more details to connect to your story and follow it with what you wanna know.
We struggle to recognize people out of context. I failed to recognize my cousin without his beard and afro because the last time I saw him, he had a long beard and his hair was longer. He cut his hair/shaved since I saw him last. In other cases, you can be used to seeing someone at school/work. Let's say you see them at the movies. Because you are used to seeing them at school or work, you may not recognize them for a sec. They may approach you at the movies. The person may seem like they don't know you. This doesn't mean they don't care or that you are not important. Nts will see it like this. Thus the NTs will think we are being snotty, not caring, etc. We are just not used to seeing you in places other than work/school. I met some guy last summer, it was too dark and I didn't get a good view of his face, it looked like he had dreadlocks on. I saw him a month later in daylight. No dreads and he looked SO different from when I saw him a month ago. Sometimes changing your hair can make me not recognize you for a sec.
Just like your cell phone. We need to charge our batteries. Socializing burns us out. We need time to ourselves sometimes to build our interests That way we will have the energy we need to hang with friends. We can't hang with you with a low battery. Think about your phone, can you use it when it's out of battery? We can't function at 100% with a low battery. Nts may see this as not wanting to be with friends/family, thinking we are too good for them, etc. This is not the case. We just want our batteries to be at 100% to be able to hang with you. Think about it that way, we need this recharge so we can hang with you and have all the energy that we need.
Lack Of Details
This can cause problems when you make plans with us. If we don't show up or we show up late, this can be seen as not caring to an NT. The truth is we didn't have enough details to know where to meet you. For instance, meet me a Subway. What if there is more than one Subway in the area. Tell the person the street the Subway is on and where you will be waiting for them. 'Meet me at Subway on Joe street at 4PM, I will be waiting for you on the inside.'
Remember even Neurodivergent people can misunderstand us. Myself and probably others are commonly misunderstood by NTs. Some of us have NT parents, siblings, etc.
Remember it is rough adulting in a confusing world.
I also have a video on this topic if you would like to give it a watch.