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A Time When My Anxiety Gets The Best Of Me

Nts don't understand how mental illness affects us. They see it as 'overreacting.' Little do they know anxiety is a chemical imbalance and affect how your brain sees things.
Brain, Mind, Psychology, Idea, Drawing
Anxiety is like a manipulator. Think of it this way. Like when I was in high school during gym class, I thought this girl was talking about me since I have been verbally bullied my entire freshman year. In reality, she could have been talking about a movie she saw.

Here is a case where my mom thinks I overreact. I started taking birth control for the sake of regulating my period. I feel annoyed with constantly having to do pregnancy tests. We all know BC prevents pregnancy. it also regulates your period, helps women with endo, a disorder that gives women painful periods, it helps your skin, helps your hormones. I feel all Drs look at is the people prevent pregnancy and not other benefits the pill has. I feel dirty having to do a pregnancy test for some damn BC. Argo, I think the Drs secretly think I am a sl*t.

This instance was; I needed a refill. I am aware I can call the office but my Dr doesn't respond to messages. I needed her to approve of an MRI and she never returned my message nor the message from the clinic where I was gonna go for the MRI. I went in person to be safe. Somehow I was put in for the wrong Dr(who was located at a different facility) and didn't know until I went to check-in. Long story short I wouldn't be able to get in for another month and I would be out of my pill before then.

The guy agreed to have a nurse put in the refill. I explain to the nurse what happened and wait for her. The doctor made me do ANOTHER pregnancy test even though I LITERALLY did one to get the damn pill not long before. My anxiety brain took this as they think I am sexually active. A doctor I had before constantly asked me if I am sexually active even though I told her I want BC to regulate my monthly.  I just don't like people thinking dirty of me.  So I said 'I am not a sl*t if that's why ya'll make me take all of these pregnancy tests.'

By the nurse's response she though it was an extreme conclusion. Nts would see no big deal about this but to me it makes me feel like they think I am sexually active. I don't even have a partner for Christ's sake. Also, the site of feces makes me sick to my stomach. If I have to do a pregnancy test every time to get a damn refill I ask myself is being on the pill even worth it. If I have to leave hundreds of messages so the doctor responds then I'll do it.

I am just fed up with the stigma that when a woman wants BC it's to have sex. The doctor I saw prior even said she cannot do paps on someone who is not sexually active and the gyno said she couldn't do a certain method for the same reason when I told her about my painful cycles.

The point of this long story is anxiety, the 'manipulator' has me convinced the doctors think I am a sl*t is the reason for the frequent pissing in a cup. It said 'with all these pregnancy tests they think you're a sl*t, they think you're having sex hence why they keep checking.'

Some women go the whole pregnancy with no trace that they're pregnant. If you take a test too early it will come out as -
Every women's body is different so all of these pee tests really won't do much. You can get intimate tonight and may not conceive until a month from now and go to the doctor the next day.
Another thing is I still get my monthly, the pill just keeps it regular. If I was prego I WOULDN'T have my monthly. That's how most women suspect they're expecting is missing their monthly.
It's understandable people lie. Your lies can ruin it for others.
 I feel desperate to find some method to avoid this hassle. There are lots of instances where anxiety gets the best of me but this one sticks out. The reality of it is I may have only taken 3 pee tests a year for a different case outside of BC. Anxiety has me convinced like I had taken like 5, 10.

I am sorry if I got too personal.


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